Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
