i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
