I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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