I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
