Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
