You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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