Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
