I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We were destined to go to rehab together
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
