Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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