I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
