oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
my mouth tastes like poor choices
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
