You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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