So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
