Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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