I CAN MOONWALK!
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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