You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I forgot how hot balto sounded
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
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