Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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