yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
