Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
