I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
