Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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