How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Randomize
