nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
