How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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