I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
