I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
