at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
This baby is an asshole
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
