Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
