He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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