I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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