I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
