Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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