He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
