I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
