the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
