yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You smell like a Billy Joel song
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
