so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
They have beer where we have blood.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
