He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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