Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
