I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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