It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
