Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
