Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
