Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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