I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
