There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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