There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
