why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
