Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
