Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
